How can you learn to forgive offenses?
How to learn to forgive? This question many people ask themselves every day. A person lives in society and closely communicates with many people: at work, at home, in a shop, anywhere. It so happened that the people around us are not always distinguished by good manners. At any moment, we can get nasty, hurt, shout. Of course, at such moments it becomes unpleasant, I want to quickly run away from everyone.
The worst thing in conflict situations is that, firstly, they happen all the time, and secondly, they are capable of pulling a person out of themselves for a long time. Remember how long you think about the quarrel with the brazen guy in the tram, with whom you are “lucky” to go in the morning. And he, in turn, has long forgotten about you. So why can't we just forget? The fact is that people do not know how to forgive.
Forgiveness is a very complicated thing. To say that the forgiveness is much easier than really lightening your soul. That is what happens when we forgive. Some people may be offended by another person throughout their lives.It prevents them from enjoying life. There are many reasons for resentment, sometimes they are very serious: treason of a person whom you have loved all your life, betrayal of friends, or even worse parents, indifference of children. Whatever pain you experience, you need to try to forgive the offender. You need to forgive everyone, because you have one life and you should not spend it on bad emotions. You can forgive everything, you just have to be patient and really want it.
To forgive you must:
1. Do not hurt other people. The sages are right in asserting that in order to change the world around you, you need to start with yourself. Arguing with people, of course, you can get rid of the previously accumulated negativity. But, believe me, in time, he will return to you, only from another person. Therefore, be kinder and do not offend other people, especially loved ones.
2. Understand the essence of the conflict. If in a conflict situation, you are the victim, then do not rush to start crying and scandal. Try to pull yourself together and soberly assess the situation. Quite often conflicts arise from small things. But during a quarrel it is difficult to control emotions, we begin to exaggerate everything, so we break down and get angry for a long time.To prevent this from happening, after a quarrel, if you can’t forget it in any way, write down on paper what exactly "hurt" you. Look at it objectively, most likely it will seem funny to you.
3. Free yourself from negative emotions. It is not necessary to shout at the first person that came across. The best way to get rid of stress is sports and physical education, it is best to run a few kilometers. For those who are annoyed by the sport, relaxing treatments can be used as a relaxation: a trip to the cinema or a beauty salon. Only you need to tune in to completely get rid of negative emotions.
4. Understand the abuser. This is very difficult to do, but no one said it would be easy. Put yourself in the place of the offender, think, maybe you were wrong. If, after analyzing the conflict, you are sure that you “have received” not deserved, then you should not look for an excuse for the offender, just forgive him.
5. Take a step towards reconciliation. Even in those situations when you are absolutely not guilty in a quarrel, you do not need to wait until they apologize to you. This can not wait. Having made a step towards reconciliation, you will be free from anger and take a step towards forgiveness.To do this will take a lot of effort, but believe me, this will make it easier for you.
6. Forgiveness must be disinterested. No need for your forgiveness to make a significant event. Remember, you need to forgive only for yourself. Just feel that you no longer depend on the situation, and feel free to live on.
7. Good - will save the world. In a conflict situation it is difficult to remember the good, but you need to try. If you are offended by your loved one, remember the wonderful moments associated with it. This does not mean that you need to forget his betrayal, but it will be easier to forgive. If you see the offender for the first time, look around and try to see something funny, for example, a funny child.
Forgiving is not as difficult as it seems at first. It remains only to find the strength and take the first step in the forgiveness of others. Do not agree with the phrase that forgiveness must be earned. Perhaps your offender does not need it. Forgive for yourself, forget the insults and be happy.