How to help your child overcome shyness?
Many mothers notice that their baby avoids unfamiliar companies and children, is silent and, perhaps, even tries to hide behind you. There is nothing wrong with that, just a child is too shy and is looking for a way to protect himself from people and situations that embarrass him or frighten him.
Perhaps your child simply has such a character, and it is more interesting for him to learn about the world around him alone, or perhaps it is an acquired trait that can be easily overcome even in childhood.
Where did it come from?
Usually modest children are ideal for universal example. At home, they always listen to their parents, in the kindergarten they silently agree with everything that the teacher says, and at school teachers praise them for their quiet and exemplary behavior. It would seem, what else do you want? But excessive shyness gives the kid a lot of trouble, because because of her it is difficult for him to communicate with his peers, to find new friends and even to resist children's offenses.
Psychologists say that in some children predisposition to shyness is laid genetically, while others may appear under the influence of external causes such as:
- change of residence, study;
- family problems (divorce of parents, constant quarrels, proceedings, high-tone conversations, scandals and complaints);
- excessive rigor in the process of education (a child who always does everything "wrong" becomes insecure and is afraid once again to upset his parents with his "mistakes");
- (the other extreme, which does not allow the child to independently learn life.) By protecting and shielding him from all life's vicissitudes, you deprive the child of practice, during which he learns to find solutions for different situations).
How to deal with it?
According to psychologists, shyness can appear even at the age of up to 1.5 years, when the kid, still not being able to really talk, tries to make friends with other children, especially the older ones. They still have a hard time understanding the youngest, because they do not take him to their company, and the child regards it as unwillingness to be friends with him, locking himself up.
Having found out the reason for this behavior, each parent immediately has a logical question: what to do? The answer is simple - help cope with the problem.And for this you just need to follow a few simple rules:
- Love and support. If the child is confident that he has a reliable rear, confidence in the actions will be much greater. Do not make comments to him with other children, do not compare and do not scold that someone is better than him. There should be close spiritual contact between you so that the kid knows that in any awkward situation for him he will always be able to share experiences with his mom and dad who will understand and support.
- Respect. The child is an independent person and, despite the fact that he is still small, he still has to feel so. Always listen carefully to what he says, even if you are very busy, otherwise you can miss something important.
- Separate. If the child says that he is afraid to do something, answer that you understand him perfectly, moreover, you yourself can sometimes be afraid. Tell us what you are doing in such cases and help the child follow your example.
- Do not force. Never force a child to do what he does not want (to meet someone, to speak first).Perhaps he is not ready yet, or for this he needs more time.
- Find the positive aspects of openness and communication. With small ones you can do it in the form of a game, with older ones you can use a board or a large sheet of paper, where you will record all the advantages together.
- Play. Role-play is one of the simplest and most effective ways to get rid of shyness. For younger children, fairytales with toys in the lead roles will do. For example, about a horse who was afraid to approach other animals in a meadow. Give your child the opportunity to come up with a script to solve this problem. School-age children can practice responding to a lesson or be an adult and go for an interview.
- Go visit. So the child will spend more time in the children's environment and learn to put into practice all the skills acquired with you. It's good if your friends have children younger than yours. Girls in particular like to take care of the kids, and this is another step towards believing in themselves and their strengths.
- Encourage and praise. Praise a child for every small achievement in overcoming shyness.Set specific goals, and for their implementation reward - delicacies, trips to the entertainment center, cinema, desired gift.
- Psychologist help. If you have tried all the methods, and your boy or girl is still trying to hide behind you and refuse to communicate with others, go to a child psychologist. There is nothing shameful about this; the problem simply lies a little deeper and needs more qualified help. Remember, your situation is not unique, so do not be afraid.
Shy children may be truly talented and gifted, but because of their closeness they may not develop these talents. The task of every sane parent is to help the child become more self-confident by creating for this, first of all, a favorable atmosphere within the family.