How to stop comparing yourself with others?
To achieve the cherished goals and desired results, we often need accompanying factors that become weighty arguments. Stimulus is the engine of personal perfection of a person striving to conquer previously unexplored peaks. However, in the search for such aspects, we often turn to comparative characteristics, relating our own image to other people. Such a decision becomes the first step towards self-destruction, because revealing one's own weaknesses, relying on the merits of strangers, is an unjustified risk, accompanied by a feeling of loneliness. It is not surprising that the standards and ideals are the "stars" of domestic and foreign variety art, political and public figures who have already achieved social recognition. Comparison with such persons leads to a feeling of dissatisfaction with one’s own life, giving rise to despair and despondency. The logical result is the emergence of an internal conflict of personality, in which the spiritual world of man does not correlate with reality.Some people underestimate the scale of such a mental disorder without thinking about the danger of the disease.
A vivid example of the public's rejection of consciousness was the American young man Billy Milligan, whose history "thundered" in the international arena of the twentieth century. The mind of a guy who has become disillusioned with his own ego has been settled by extraneous personalities over time - by the age of 21 at the subconscious level of a young man there were more than 20 full-fledged people with behavioral traits, nationalities and intellectual abilities. Billy could speak in 10 different languages, drew perfectly and was interested in the exact sciences, was well versed in weapons and was aware of the events of a century ago. Talent Milligan surprised treating psychotherapists, and some Americans even envied a gifted young man. However, few of the residents of the United States thought that Billy himself was absent among the personalities mentioned. For a long time, the guy was in an amorphous state, lost in the twists and turns of his own consciousness. The moral of this story lies in the fact that in trying to compare himself with his peers, the young man was not understood by society, choosing to dive into the depths of his “I”.
Negative impact of comparative characteristics
In the 21st century, the situation, involving the comparison of one's personal characteristics with those of other people, did not change radically. Such an action necessarily leads to a mental disorder, because projecting their own lives on the fate of individuals who have already achieved the desired results is an inexpedient decision. This method is not a stimulus, helping to increase self-esteem and achieve the cherished goal, but the cause of internal tensions, despair and discontent with their everyday lives. Only units are decided to change the current situation. Predominantly, people are amenable to the negative influence of the comparisons displayed on each sphere of life activity:
If you project your image on a person occupying a high-ranking position in a large company, you cannot count on your own success. An official residing in government bodies, or a businessman who has untwisted his business, has two completely different stories, the undercurrents of which are known exclusively to them. Comparing their achievements with strangers is useless, because you are not destined to learn the ways and the attendant factors that allowed them to achieve such a result.Without knowing the initial data, you will blame yourself for personal inconsistency and lack of willpower. Instead of making another attempt to conquer the stage on the career ladder, you prefer despondency and despair.
Some young athletes, showing enviable results in junior competitions, scold themselves for the lack of record indicators. Comparison with champions and Olympic prize-winners is the way to self-destruction. Sports career promising guys ends after a couple of second places on the pedestal, because they begin to doubt their own abilities and abilities. Few manage to realize that to achieve record results, famous athletes had to work for a long time. Instead of improving the existing indicators, young men prefer to abandon a series of attempts aimed at conquering the Olympic heights.
Some people feel guilty for not helping the poor and the homeless, visiting orphanages and nurseries. An example for them are patrons who donate millions of American dollars to educational institutions and medical centers.A warm jacket presented to an orphan or a medicine bought to a sick puppy looks on this background as a drop in the "sea". However, few people think about the thoughts of such actions. Many billionaires are engaged in charity solely for political and state purposes, not guided by personal motives. Comparing yourself with such patrons, it is important to remember in time that any help is a chance to improve someone’s life. You should not abandon the commission of good deeds, eliminating the positive qualities from your own personal image, considering them to be useless.
Self-doubt is a quality familiar to novice athletes who decide to go to the gym. While doing physical exertion, beginners notice the relief muscles of already experienced athletes, pay attention to the weight with which they work, realizing their own worthlessness. Such conclusions are absolutely groundless, because relatively recently powerful bodybuilders came to the fitness center, having the same physique as you have. The impressive size of the muscles - is the result of a long and hard work.Some newcomers, forgetting this fact, in the upset feelings leave the gym, and not having achieved the desired goal.
Invaluable service is often provided by close friends and relatives who want to share their meaningful opinion about your love partner. In a relationship where spouses are completely satisfied with joint leisure time, outsiders find a whole complex of shortcomings and “minuses”. Neighbors and acquaintances, with whom an irresponsible spouse is compared, become a vivid example, devoid of negative qualities. As a result of moralizing, the beloved begin to quarrel, eliminating respect and mutual understanding from the union. It is not surprising that after a short period of time, the steam disintegrates.
How to stop comparing yourself with others: useful recommendations
Having dealt with the negative impact of comparing yourself with other people, it is important to stop in time and stop such an action, even in thought. If you do not change the vector of the current situation, then the scale of possible problems is vividly illustrated by the multiple personalities who settled in the consciousness of the American Billy Milligan.Guilt and dissatisfaction with one's own life, spiritual torments and a variety of negative thoughts, despair and depressed mood are a set of characteristics peculiar to a person with a mental illness. Already today ask yourself a question: How to stop comparing yourself with other people? In the search for answers, pay attention to the helpful recommendations of practicing psychotherapists, advising the following:
It is of paramount importance to realize that each person is an individual, distinguished by unique behavioral signs and a set of personal qualities. It is impossible to meet the same people in the modern world. If you see similar character traits in a stranger, then they are only part of a collective image - do not forget about it.
Accept the fact that ideal people do not exist, so objectively assess your own shortcomings. If you find an unpleasant quality in your personal appearance, then consider such a phenomenon as an excuse for self-development and improvement. No need to escalate the situation, projecting on the subconscious variety of negative thoughts.
Make a list of your strengths and already achieved heights that you can be proud of. Include in yourself a letter of praise for your own rewards from student times and victories at school competitions, not forgetting the winnings in sports competitions. Do you help stray animals? Be sure to note this fact. The list should include your collective image, consisting exclusively of positive characteristics - learn to be proud of your achievements.
Track your own actions and thoughts, guided by their opinions. You should step aside from the patterns of society for some time in order to coexist harmoniously with society as a result. If you learn to listen to your inner voice, making correct and well-considered decisions, then a successful result is guaranteed in any endeavor.
Leave the comfort zone, not being afraid of being misunderstood and rejected. In each person's life there are close people who can be trusted with innermost desires and secret dreams. Do not be shy of your thoughts, share them with the environment, arguing your point of view. This phenomenon helps to develop self-confidence, prompting the respect of society for your person.
Clearly define your goals for the future, guided by personal preferences, and not by public patterns. Do not project your life on the fate of a famous person. Plan forthcoming tasks in accordance with individual wishes, rationally and objectively assessing their capabilities. Do not put in front of unsolvable tasks, start with "small" victories.
Learn to compare yourself exclusively with yourself, without focusing on the opinion of society. Project your yesterday’s image on today's moral look, analyzing the changes that have occurred in a short period of time. Regularly conduct a similar procedure to make sure once again - you are on the right track.
Realize your own uniqueness, so as not to hinder your development and personal growth. It is not surprising that in most cases, people are prevented from achieving the desired results only by internal conflicts that suppress positive qualities and the desire to improve.
If today you learn to accept your own drawbacks and merits, then changes in life will not take long to wait.In a short period of time, you will notice how you are approaching the realization of your cherished goals. The main thing is to count on your own strengths and to believe in the success of the work being done. Only with the help of zeal and patience can you conquer unattainable heights.